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16 Febr - what and why I am painting

Is this the state, the stage, that creatures are in when they have died physically in this life, 

 but have not yet realized and accepted it,

and thus drift around in the Tibetan Bardo?

Or, the stage , the state, prior to BE, be-ing born, into the earthly existence?

AND/OR  the stage, the state of those in eternity (beyond human spatio-temporal notions and dimensions of 'existence, existing') , the abode of 'the blessed', the beatitude vision, of being (again), fully one (oned) with the Eternal, Hashem, Y-hW-h, theSufi  Beloved, Buddhist satori, self- and god-realization (of Vedanta)? ---

is it possible to grasp and express this stage/state of  'eternal be-ing' in the present by art, more specifically by visual art and the genre of painting?

if it is not possible, why then bother to execute the idiotic practice of painting?

..... what and why I am painting -

and 'what' I am attempting to grasp and express by the code of this socio-cultural practice or discourse .....

(what is creation, BE-ing. being in the process of being created.....)

what and why I am painting

To try and understand what I am expressing here, first study Paul Klee and then the 
abstract paintings of  Gerhard Richter. Then you return here and read what I attempt 
to express in spatio-temporally restricted concepts.

..... I am not (and no longer) painting -

for that what you (think you) see  (or might, or may or should see) when you look at my 

or that what you (think and imagine you) perceive (or may, might or should perceive)
 when you represent (create, construct or constitute)  something (for example images 
or ideas)  in your mind (and what you do with it or  them in your perception and brain) 
when you look at my work.

I merely produce marks on a support (paper, canvas, etc). My intention is to create such
 marks and those things that are constituted by or result from their interaction.

Thus, the only thing that matters is:

that what is on the support -

there is nothing more, or less,

about my work.....

In other words, I am working on that level, or rather that stage when something 'is not yet',
 that is, prior to coming into existence, to be constituted or  created. One can express or
 label  this pre-conceptual (that is prior to being expressed in human spatio-temporally
 restricted notions) state or stage in different ways, depending on the aspect/s one wishes
 to identify and emphasize. 

Astrophysics, theoretical physics, mathematics, classical music, and other socio-cultural
 practices identify different aspects of this 'not yet being created', or 'coming into existence
 or be-ing'. Thus it can be labelled by different terms, for example chaos, or that state or 
stage Wittgenstein refers to as 'mystery', that what can only be directly shown and not 
expressed (and caught) in human spatio-temporally restricted concepts. That state or stage
 that Paul Klee refers to when he says that he is as much part of the living as the dead and
 as that what is not yet - close to , to being created, but never close enough.

The state of prayerfulness, of Pure Consciousness or Awareness of the present arising
 moment of the mystics.

That is what I attempt to grasp and express....

16 Feb what and why I am painting